Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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