We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
