i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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