There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
