you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
