I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
