Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you made out with another girl for some wings
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
