hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
