All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
