Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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