And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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