Well apparently he's into motor boating.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
