Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize