I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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