Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
