I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
