i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
