Your face is a jimmy john
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize