We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
