Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
