I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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