I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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