Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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