she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
