I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
