I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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