Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
