I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
