i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
