my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
