I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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