New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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