so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
