I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
