you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
