you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize