So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
