They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
