the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
