Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
