just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
