I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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