I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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