I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
