omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
