textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
