How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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