we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
