If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
