the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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