as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
