i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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