Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
