I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
