eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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