you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
