my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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