I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
