He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
