I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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