I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
