I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
