We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
