I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
