His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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