my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
