Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize