i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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