Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
