youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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