Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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