I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
