to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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