Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
