a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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