I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
