its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
