So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
