You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
