Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
