Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think my moral compass just broke
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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