So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
