she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
