Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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