that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
