a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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