I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
