I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
